Sick Day...

Hey everyone, I'm sorry I missed last week's Wednesday and Thursday posts. I've caught a nasty cold (thank you hubby!) and I'm having to spend some time without technology as I get better. Please forgive me if I miss a couple of posts this week... When I'm feeling better I'm going to have to spend a day just answering emails!
Thanks for your patience, at the very least, please check out this Friday's Featured artist - you won't be disappointed!
See you soon (I hope!), Cold, cold, go away!

The Dog Is Alright

 Arwen is feeling better. After 5 days of antibiotics, ground beef and rice, chicken and rice, lots of hugs and TLC, she has a happy belly once more. We even went on a walk this morning. Even though it was quite cool and damp, I figured it would be fine.
Then it started to pour.
And pour.
And pour.
And we were only halfway done our walk, which in the country means that we walk until I'm tired, usually about 20 minutes at a slow jogging pace, then we turn around and walk back, again at a (slightly slower) jogging pace. We do about 3 miles or so in 30-40 minutes. I know, I'm slow.
But back to the rain.
Normally, that wouldn't be an issue, if, say, we were in the city, with nice paved sidewalks that don't really get that dirty.
We, however, as stated previously, live in the country.
On dirt roads. With lots of loose dirt and gravel.

I'd show you the "before" photos, of Arwen absolutely filthy, and the left side of my pants (the side where Arwen walks) just disgustingly muddy (I swear she kicks up dirt on me on purpose), but I don't want to frighten young children. Suffice it to say, we were DIRTY! A bath was immediately in order, despite the Time-Of-Use power thingy saying we were at peak power and running the shower would cost a small fortune.
Arwen hates baths.
At first.
When she gets the soap off of her, and is having her post-soap massage in the shower she starts to like it.
When she gets out of the shower, then she really likes it.
Because she gets to hide under a towel.
I really don't understand why she loves this so much, but if I hold a towel out, she will walk under it, wag her tail and wait for me to lay it across her. Then, when the towel is on her, she stands there and - there is no other way to describe it - she wiggles. Yes, you read that correctly, she wiggles under the towel, almost like she is trying to dry herself off. It is the cutest, funniest thing ever.
Then she gets a treat, gets a cuddle, all while being told that she is the most gorgeous dog ever, and then, when she is mostly dry, she cuddles up on a blanket on the couch, and gets wrapped in a quilt to keep warm.
I love my dog.
(can you tell?)

Sick Day

I had planned a post on my new little camera. I had planned to post a few things that I've been up to lately, as a lame excuse for why I haven't been blogging consistently over the past few months.
Then 2:30AM Wednesday came.
Arwen started whining and panting to go outside. I thought that something was outside that she wanted to chase, so I got all of my winter gear on (we were in the middle of our first winter ice storm, joy) and slowly let her outside, holding on to her cable (she has a 40 foot cable to run around the yard, without - hopefully- catching any of the wildlife that come around) to slow her chase to whatever she thought was out there.
There wasn't anything out there.
Arwen was sick. Very sick.

After making half-hour trips outside, to, uh, relieve herself, I knew that she wasn't going to get well on her own, but she was so bouncy and happy and hungry, it was hard to tell what was the matter. I made rice and she happily gobbled half a cup of it, while continuing to go outside. By 9 AM, however, she had brought the rice back up and was still having frequent outside trips, so we took her to the vet. She must have eaten something, but we can't figure out what it is. She is constantly monitored during outside trips, walks, inside time, that I don't know what could have made her sick (I make my own cleaners with vinegar for Pete's sake!).
Anyway, the vet says she has colitis, so she is on some Pepcid AC for her stomach, and an antibiotic to calm her wayward intestines. Poor little dog. She had to get a *ahem* full exam, which I must say she was very good about (I sure wouldn't have been, if a doctor had to stick anything in my...well, you get the idea). She had a slight temperature and raised heart rate from stress, but other than that, the vet said that Arwen looks amazing for her age (8-1/2), the vet even thought she was only 5 or 6! Frequent tooth-brushing helps, I think :)
Good news though, I *think* we may be making less trips outside. After going almost hourly, by midnight last night she seemed pooped out (pun intended), and hasn't had to "go" since. YAY! She's still happy, and bouncy. Her temperature has come down, and she slept for a few hours straight, which meant that I slept for a few hours straight, which is always a good thing.
God willing she's on the mend.
But wow, what an interesting 24 hours that was. And I have a huge pile of dog-do to clean up in the now melting snow.
Joy.
Looking at her sleeping peacefully now though, I don't mind.
But, I might have a little nap before I go out to clean it all up....just for a minute or two

An Apology, An Explanation

I know it has been a very long time since I have posted, and I am VERY sorry. Arwen and I are missing you all, and we feel very bad that we haven't posted, but I have been very, very ill. I have some sort of intestinal disease that the doctors are still trying to diagnose, but until then, I am sick constantly, and unable to eat anything but rice cakes and a small amount of peanut butter (yes, I find that weird as well, but it is the only protein and fat I can tolerate so I'll go with it). Aside from the fact that PB and rice cakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner is boring and not very tasty, it also leaves me with absolutely no energy for anything. Well, almost no energy. I did manage to make a few pieces of jewelry and a couple of bookmarks, but I haven't been able to photograph them yet...I'll try to get on that for you.

All this is not to ask for sympathy, or to whine and complain, but to give you a true apology, and I PROMISE we'll be back to posting every day when I'm feeling a bit better. I just wanted to let you all know thatArwen and I are here and visiting your blogs in return, even if we don't always comment (Arwen's paws aren't suited to typing on my laptop keyboard).

Until next time, have a great day, we send you happy thoughts and prayers for health, wealth and happiness :)


and Arwen

A Wee Addendum.....

I guess my last post came out a little more negative than I imagined it would....
I have had a very rough time these last few years, but I don't want to sound like I am miserable all the time: I don't like being sick, but I don't regret all of the valuable things I have learned through this illness.
I appreciate everything I have been given as a result of this illness: I have been given a greater perspective on the joys of life in general and appreciate everything I have all the more for it.
I hate being sick, but I LOVE my life.
I love my family, my friends, my dog and my wonderful bloggy followers who put up with my ranting :)
Thank you for reading, and have a great day!
Meghann

In Loving Memory of a Wonderful, Furry Friend

~Gandalf March 30, 1995 - November 3, 2008~

Well after taking Gandalf to the vet for an exam on Saturday for a problem I had noticed with his hips, they asked us to bring him in today for x-rays of his pelvis and legs - they thought there might be something wrong with his knee as it crunches a bit when he walks. We brought him in this morning and the vet called a few hours later with their prognosis: his knees were OK, but his hips were the worst they had ever seen. He had arthritis and possibly a genetic disorder in both his hips, causing the hips joints to basically disintegrate. He hasn't really shown any sign of it as cats are quite adept at hiding pain and illness until it is too late and they are in absolute agony. Although we could put him on medication, with the possibility of having surgery to remove his hip joints, there would always be problems, even to the extent of destroying his kidneys. In the end, there was really only decision to make.
At 3:40PM today, Gandalf went to Kitty Heaven. He was a wonderful cat, full of love and purrs. Always happy to sit on a lap, sleep on my tummy, and eat any bit of fluff or bug he could find on the floor, he is survived by his canine friend, Arwen, his mom, dad, and Grand-monna and Grand-papa.
He was 13.
He will be greatly missed.
Many tears have been shed, and many more are still to come, but ultimately he is free of pain, free to chase any bird, bug and squirrel and free to visit his first canine companion, Willy. He will always get his girl, and will always be able to sleep in, on and around any and every shoe he wants. He will always have as much food as he can eat, without having to worry about someone saying he is a little on the heavy side.
Goodbye my fuzzy little buddy, my handsome little man. May you give head-butts to other friendly faces, may you impress everyone with your giant thumbs. We love you, miss you, and wish you well on this, your final journey to the litter box.
Thank you for being my bestest furry little guy. Mom will always love and remember you.
My heart is broken, but I know it was for your best happiness.
Meghann

Great Store on Etsy!

~Two of the Many Varieties of Earrings Available on My Etsy Store~

I have a confession to make: I have fallen in love - with Etsy! My store is doing very well, and I have just joined a team of other Ottawa artists and crafters called "Capital Crafters" so that I can help and be helped by other businesses in the Ottawa area that are selling on Etsy also. If you want to see their items, use the keywords "Ottawa Team" in your searches so that you to can buy handmade and locally!
I have to say that even though I've been feeling really sore lately, this has given me hope. I'm getting really positive feedback from the community and have even made a few sales in the last week! Things are looking really, really positive, in spite of the daily struggle with my disease. I've had more inspiration to create new pieces, and I've pushed myself to make some of them to put on my store. I do hope you'll check it out. Etsy is part of a huge movement to promote individuals and the buying of handmade items. You know when you buy that you are able to talk to the creator and you know where it was made. You know what it is made of, and most importantly, you are helping to support an individual, local business, not just some huge, faceless corporation. Many people are like myself: individuals who are not able, for one reason or another, to work outside the home. Your purchase of an artist's work helps them in a real way. So Thank You Very Much!
Check out my store at: http://www.littlestudiojewels.etsy.com
Check out my store for daily additions, including a few sales!
Take care,
Meghann

More Cool Happenings

~One of the cool shots of "Black Cadillacs"

I thought I'd give a shout-out to a friend of mine who was at GenCon Indy over the last few days showing off his new game called "Black Cadillacs". It's an RPG based on war stories and I was privileged enough to be able to take the promo shots for it about a month ago. You can see more at their website at: http://www.achtung-spiel.com/ . There, you can find out more about the game, purchase the text and more! Good luck Darcy, I hope this works out really well for you, the game sounds awesome!

~ A picture of the Bride and Groom's beautiful wedding rings~

In other news, I got to take photographs with my friend Stephanie at the best wedding we've ever had the pleasure of witnessing on August 9. We had a great time with everyone; the bride was beautiful (and incredibly easy to work with), the groom was well composed and happy, and their friends and family were so happy and friendly it was like something out of a feel good movie (minus the cheese). I wish them all the best in their future lives together! Hopefully they will allow me to put a few of their pictures on my website and you can see what I mean about a great couple!

And there's more - Brennan and I are trying to spend about half an hour per day clearing out the destruction in our forest left by loggers five years ago. It is hard work, but it's amazing how big a difference just half an hour can make! In just 2 sessions we've managed to make a small trail on one side of the property leading to a massive dead brush pile (I guess we know whose house people are going to for bonfires!) and another trail is starting on the other side of the property. We are aiming to have the forest looking good by the time we get married next year in September. I really think we'll do it - as the saying goes, "Many hands make light work", and I really believe it!

Gandalf is still well, we are still praying hard that we get the money for his surgery soon. I'm still working on my Etsy store at www.littlestudiojewels.etsy.com to sell my jewellery and art there. More is going up tomorrow so check it out!

That's all for now, I'm off to bed for some much deserved rest!

Meghann

Stress Rains Down - and More Rain Rains Down

~My Wonderful Cat, Now in Need of Dental Surgery~

I've had a bad week. A really, really bad week. I'm sore, exhausted at nothing, and broke. Broke, broke, broke. I haven't been able to work since last November. I can't afford my medications for my fibromyalgia (not that they were doing anything anyway, but I always had hope), I can't afford my physical therapy for my fibromyalgia, and now, on top of hydro bills, phone bills, and other everyday expenses, my cat went to the vet for his annual check up and apparently needs dental surgery. $1100 of dental surgery to be exact. He is 12 years old, and has been my bud since I was 13, so I will not let him suffer. The vet says I need to do it before Christmas, but the sooner the better. I want to. I really, really want to do it now so he doesn't have to go another day with bad teeth (I can't even imagine). The obvious problem is, of course, that I don't have the money to pay the hydro bills, or get my hair cut, or replace my socks with holes in them.
I need help! Please pray for me and the cat. I don't know how we'll get the money for this - my fiance anf I haven't even been able to save anything for our wedding next year.
......And it is raining AGAIN. Jeez, will someone please turn it off for more than a day?
The good news: the dog is in perfect health, and so is the cat, apart from the dental stuff. The cat isn't in obvious pain, and still eats, though now I'm moistening his food slightly so it's easier to chew. It could be worse, I suppose.
I try to stay positive, and make more jewellery in the hopes that it will sell. I have more coming, so keep checking the jewellery blog and my website for more details (the links are on the bar at right).
Take care, I'm off to overturn my patio chairs full of rainwater.
Meghann

Bad Week, But Hope Still Reigns

~Front of My House in Blooms~

It's been a hard week. I thought that Sunday was going to be a good day so I did two and a half hours of gardening, and boy did I pay for it. Sure, the weeds are gone (mostly), and I love that the flowers are finally reaching their mature sizes and bloom states - the smell is heavenly - but this has been one of the worst weeks all summer. I've been so sore, dizzy, tired and crappy-feeling that even exercise is getting to be a painful chore. I normally love to exercise, and try to get about an hour everyday, but it is getting harder and harder to do even 1/2 hour of light exercise.
That being said, I know that it will pass. I'm trying to continue to plan my wedding and stay positive. This too shall pass!
I'm off to bake my 'Make You Melt Ginger Cookies' - as predicted, they are a HUGE hit with everyone!
Stay healthy,
Meghann

Procrastination - The Way to Creativity?

~Some of the projects I have started, or have yet to start~

I hate to admit, but I procrastinate when it comes to my art. I don't know if it is because I am scared of messing up a piece, or the fact that once I start something, I can't stop it until it's finished (and then I miss being in the process of creating my art), or maybe I am scared that I'll be interrupted and put it down, only to forget about it for months (sometimes years), and come back to it and regret not finishing it when I started. This is because I then can't figure out where I was (creatively speaking) when I started it (Fibro-fog strikes again!). Maybe it's a combination of all of the above. I certainly know that any distractions are usually bad distractions and for me to create really good art: I need to be practically insomniac and avoid the phone, email, T.V. - civilization in general to hear that teeny voice telling me what, where, when, how to create (I don't need the why - it just IS).
So I procrastinate. I read book after book after book (not always bad as it's usually something I'm learning), or I clean, or I'm sore so I watch T.V. or sleep. All things that keep me away from my beading, camera, pencils, etc. It's frustrating.
I get so frustrated I finally start my project, whatever it may be....and then I LOVE it. I can't get away from it. I dream it. I see it dancing in front of my eyes. I wonder why it took me so LONG to start it.
Then I'm sore and sick and need to rest, but I've DONE it. I love it. I am it. It is wonderful :-D
Today's quote sort of makes me realize that maybe my procrastination isn't a bad thing - or at least that I am not alone in it. It all adds up to a period of time where I almost forget that I am sick, and that is heaven in itself.
Today's quote is by Brenda Ueland: "So you see, imagination needs moodling - long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering."
HA! I'm not alone :)
Happy creating,
Meghann

A Really Bad, Hurtful Day

I work really hard to do even the simplest chores. Doing the dishes, cooking, heck, even blogging is hard work. I am sick, I am tired, and I am very shy with very little self-confidence. To have started 3 blogs, not to mention my own business making jewellery and doing photography was a miraculous event for my self-confidence and an increase to my workload, when I was trying to decrease it to help my health. I work harder than anyone can possibly know to make jewellery by hand, even when my muscles are in spasms, my stomach is nauseous, my head is foggy and dizzy and I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep for about 10 years. I also designed and created my own website, www.littlestudio.ca so, if I want to show it off, as well as the things I make, you'll have to excuse me, but I'm a teensy bit proud of that. Most completely healthy people wouldn't have been able to start doing what I do, and continue it day after day without money, sales, support, etc, but to have a serious illness, so bad that I am housebound for weeks at a time, makes my accomplishments all the more spectacular (if I do say so myself).

Back in October when I was first diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I joined an online support group based in Ottawa for people struggling (like me) with this disease. It took a lot of courage to start posting on that forum, probably people wouldn't even believe how long I spent writing my first post of only 2 or 3 sentences, but there you go. It took months to tell people on the forum about my website. When people asked, "What do you do to take your mind off the pain?" day after day, I said nothing. Finally, I spoke, and said that I craft, and try to make income from my art. I showed them my website (at their request) and said to have a look, because everyone knows it doesn't cost a thing to look, and I know how tight money can be when you can't work and are sick. I repeatedly tell people that they are free to look around, and that I understand that people can't always buy things because money is tight. I always tell people that and I mean it.

When I started these blogs, I started them to help people. I want to discuss my battles and triumphs with Fibromyalgia and share it with others who are going through the same thing and don't even know they aren't alone. I want to give free recipes for people with food allergies needing recipes. Heck, I wrote a whole darn cookbook that I could have self-published and sold on my blog and website, but I didn't. I chose to give the recipes away as a small act of kindness because I know how hard it can be to cook when you have an allergy to gluten or dairy, eggs, corn, soy, etc., or are a vegetarian/vegan. My jewellery blog is just that. I talk about how I made a piece, and if it is for sale, I tell people to see the website IF they want to buy it.

Inviting people to go to a website is just that - an invitation. They don't have to go, they don't have to buy. I mean really, if I bought stuff from all the websites I've visited, I'd have mansions full of cars, boats, Louis Vuitton, you name it. I like to look. Looking at designer clothes or someone's handcrafted art is a fun way to window shop and escape reality. I don't have to leave my house (like I could most days anyway, the pain is horrible), and I don't have to spend. I expect the same of anyone who reads my blogs or goes to my website. I don't want people going into massive debt to buy my art (it's not that expensive, but that's not the point). I want them to look at all of the delicious-looking stuff and dream and escape their pain for a little bit.

Imagine my dismay when this morning I get an email from the moderator of the Fibro support forum saying they don't want me to post because they don't want people selling things. I was hurt and insulted - I've had at least 4 people from the support forum telling me how much they enjoyed going to my site! I never told them to stop visiting unless they bought something, I was just tickled that they had even gone to look at my work. I am angry, hurt and insulted that they think I would take advantage of others. I am one of them!I tried to compose a professional retaliatory email, but I don't know how clear it was that I am not trying to sell anything to people who don't want to buy. I don't care about making money, or I wouldn't be doing art for a living! With that single email, I feel like I've been betrayed by a best friend.

Honestly, I hate this disease. It's slowly taking everything away from me that I loved. I don't even want to look at my jewellery table - it feels dirty now.

Take care,

Meghann

Soul's Calling?

I watched the movie Juno last night. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give the baby up for private adoption. Many things happen, but basically the woman who so desperately wants Juno's child gets it, Juno doesn't have to have an infant, and so can be a 'normal' teen again, and we are all left wondering if things actually can turn out that happily in the end. As I am only 25, it also got me thinking about my own life and if I'll ever want, I mean really want a child of my own.
My fiance and I agreed quite early on in our relationship that if we ever did want a child we would adopt - my family's history of horrendous pregnancies, combined with my food allergies and Fibromyalgia would probably combine to create the most miserable pregnancy and sick child on the planet. If it survived. So every once in a while I check myself and see if I want to take that next step and start the adoption process with my fiance (we're actually common law for 6-1/2 years, getting married more to make it official than anything).
I do have to admit that once in a while I see my friends with their children, or see strangers with their children and wonder: could I do that? Do I want to do that? The answer is yes, and also definitely not, for the following reasons:

• I don't have the finances, first off. I love making jewellery, and my website, www.littlestudio.ca does well for what it is, but not well enough to support myself, let alone another person to feed, clothe, enter in sports, etc. It is costing more and more for everything these days, and to properly care for a child is becoming astronomical (by that I don't mean a mountain of toys and cell phones before they are 6, I mean sports teams, and averagely priced clothes and shoes as soon as they outgrow them, and bicycles and museum trips, and lots of fun and educational books).
• I don't have the health (obviously), and having my mom and friends, and my fiance say they would help doesn't alleviate that thought, because at the end of the day, I would be the child's mother, and there is no substitution for that. I want to be the kind of mom that mine was - and is - by being there: Having fun, playing games, running around shouting nonsense at invisible people, baking and crafting for hours, and I can't even do that on my own now.
• I don't know that I am emotionally ready for the responsibility of another person's life. Not just the physical needs - I know I could feed, bathe and protect the child from physical harm. No, it is the emotional needs that scare me. Being responsible for instilling morals, values, and dealing with all the emotional issues that children have to deal with, protecting them from the emotional harm that this world seeks to inflict on innocents....it terrifies me. Really.
• Ok, ok, I'll admit it, I'm selfish - I like my space and quiet. Being sick means that I spend all my time fighting and fighting this disease and so little time on me - spending a few hours reading or making jewellery is like a vacation from all the pain. I need quiet and stillness and me time, and I hardly get that as it is.

So there you have it, I guess I know deep down that I'm not ready for that kind of challenge, maybe I never will be. Does that bother me? Honestly? I'm not sure. Looking at it objectively, I am glad that I know I am unable to care for a child at this point and not proceed down that road any further. But that is logic, and does that whole 'biological clock' thing listen to reason? Is my clock ticking? I dunno, but for now, and for the foreseeable future, it'll have to continue doing just that. I'm not ready and that is all there is to it!

I hope that gets your brain going!

Take care, happy thinking!

Meghann

Colds are the Pits!

I never get sick, NEVER. So when I woke up this morning with that scratchy tickle in the back of my throat, ears feeling like they were in a vise, nose tickled and stuffed, I knew I was in for it. My fiance came home from a work conference last week with a cold courtesy of his co-worker who had driven with him the whole 4 hours there and back, and had the heart to give it to me now. Oddly, I don't really get sick since becoming ill with Fibromyalgia. It must be the whole imune system in overdrive thing, because before that, I got sick allllll the time. Every cold, bronchitis, flu, everything came crashing down on me and kicked me right to my behind. Now, I may feel a little "blah" for a few days, but I don't really seem to get sick. Until now - it figures. I had an afternoon planned where a silversmith friend of mine was supposed to come over and we were going to make wire-wrapped rings and now I had to cancel. My mom is suposed to come over on Thursday to help me with things while my husband goes away for a few days to deal with a contractor's move, and now that is in jeopardy. Plus, I have a mountain of weeds to pull in the garden, my dog needs walking and my house needs cleaning.
This, I know, is where I see God telling me to slow down, relax, trust in Him. All will be well, I just have to have faith. Sit, rest, relax, everything will happen as it is meant to. Nothing will go terribly wrong if I can't dust the house twice this week, or sweep the floors every day. No one will blame me if I can't make 20 pieces of fabulous jewellery.
I am who I am, if I can't do everything, it's not the end of the world. Amen to that!
Take care, God bless, I'm off to REST! :)
Meghann