Thoughtful Thursday: Prayers for Renee

Months ago I met a woman that should be known by everyone. Renee is an inspiration to anyone who has any sort of illness, who wants to be courageous, or who simply wants to tell it like it is. Renee writes a blog, CirclingMyHead, about her battles with cancer, general family information and many other fascinating things. Please check it out, you'll soon realize just how special Renee is.

Renee has final stage breast cancer which has spread to her stomach and bone marrow. She is in her final battle, in hospital to control the pain and allow her to get fluids and nutrition.

Renee is an incredible woman. Her forthrightness with everything, including her illness and her thoughts, fears, hopes and wishes is commendable to the utmost.

Renee is from a large, loving family that is also dealing with the recent loss of one member to a very rare cancer (Sheldon, in his 20's), she just lost her mother, and her sister is also struggling with terminal brain cancer.

Please keep Renee and her family in your prayers, they certainly need and deserve them.

Renee, in the short time I have known you, you have become invaluable to me. I love you and I salute you as a free person. Go with God in peace.

Thoughtful Thursday: Bracelet Update and More

Here is the fourth layer started on the bracelet. I am using an Amber colored glass seed bead for this layer, and as it is built up it will look more like amber and less green, since the blue beads underneath are trying to show through right now. I am currently working more amber beads in between the rows of these amber beads, to give a cross pattern effect. More to come next Tuesday!

In other news, a good friend of mine is in need of prayers and/or positive thoughts. She is a breast cancer survivor, and is now being looked at for ovarian cancer. She had "minor" surgery on Tuesday to do some tests and the results won't be back for a bit. I say "minor" because no matter how minor they say it is, it is still painful and a real inconvenience! Please keep her in your thoughts, and pray that it is nothing so serious as more cancer, but, if it is, please pray that it has been caught early and can be cured. Thank you.

That is all for now, see you tomorrow for a Fabulous Friday Feature!!

In Memoriam...

I had posted a while back that I had started a prayer list (see the right hand column, about half way down) and shortly thereafter had a prayer request from Jason Torres for his father, Juan Torres. This is the final email I received last night:

"Good Evening,

I am writing you this evening to inform you of some very unfortunate news related to my father. Last Tuesday we received a call from the hospital at 3am saying that my father 'respiratory coded'. This means his lungs gave out and he wasn't breathing. The nurses immediately intubated him again and hooked him up to a machine to breathe for him. Given the week prior, my father was not feeling the best and the treatments were getting harder and harder for him. My wife, myself, my mother and my sister rushed to the hospital. We saw dad in the condition he was. We spoke with the doctors about his prognosis and it was not looking good. The previous day, he had a CT scan to see if the tumor was responding to treatments. The doctors read those results as soon as the Radiology department opened and the results showed the treatments were not working. The next step was to decide to contact my brother in Florida and have him fly into town and take dad off the respirator. We spent the whole day praying over dad and shedding many tears. In preparation for taking dad off the respirator, the doctors informed us he would not be alive much past an hour or two at the most. My brother arrived with some other extended family and we finished our goodbyes to dad.

Upon bringing dad off the ventilator and out of intubation, they took him off the sedatives as well. Dad woke up and coughed. The respiratory nurses worked to clear his mouth and throat. Immediately he said "I failed you guys." We said no you didn't dad, you fought until the end. We spent time praying the rosary and saying our goodbyes. However, dad was not ready to go yet. He stayed alive. Around 11pm, we decided to camp in his room. Dad was experiencing some dementia but he was still very much with us. The next day we 'express processed' his paperwork to bring him home with Hospice. By Thursday evening, dad was home with his signature glass of rum & coke, watching his favorite movie the Godfather and being with his family and his trusty dog Patches. That night, dad passed from this life to the next around 6:45am on Thursday July 30th.

I am writing you as the wake was yesterday and the funeral was today. We saw friends from dad's past and friends of today. Family that we haven't seen in some time and family that we see often. It was a couple days of remembering who my dad was and the values he passed onto those he met. Although my father will miss the birth of my first child and the growth of my new family, I know he is up in heaven watching over us and praying for us always.

My father was a devote Roman Catholic but he always had open arms for those who shared and loved in the Lord Jesus Christ. He was an active member in the Knights of Columbus in Chicago before we moved out to North Judson, IN. There was no chapter in our new town and my father worked to form a chapter there. He lived out the four degrees of the Knights of Columbus: Charity, Unity, Fraternity and Patriotism. He worked for years to establish a small scholarship through the Knights for our local high school and they finally did. They honored my father even further by renaming their scholarship the 'Juan C Torres' scholarship. He would have been honored by this.

In closing my family and I want to thank everyone for their continued prayers, kind words and gifts. My father was a very humble, honorable man and he asked me to not email anyone has he was sure there were more important people out there. I said 'Dad, all those articles we read in the newspapers and listen on the news about how the internet is impure and hurtful to God. I am proving those reports wrong right now, showing how the power of prayer can heal and comfort you."

The following link is the obituary information:

http://legacy.post-trib.com/obituaries/posttribune/obituary.aspx?n=juan-c-torres&pid=130730989

For those that are interested in sending something to my mother or to the whole family, here is my mother's address:

Cecilia Torres

5155 W 400 S

North Judson, IN 46385

Thank you very much for your time and attention through these difficult months my family experienced. We all sincerely appreciate it :-)

Jason Torres"

Please say prayers for his family. He sounds like a very nice man who will be sorely missed.

God Bless,

In Loving Memory of a Wonderful, Furry Friend

~Gandalf March 30, 1995 - November 3, 2008~

Well after taking Gandalf to the vet for an exam on Saturday for a problem I had noticed with his hips, they asked us to bring him in today for x-rays of his pelvis and legs - they thought there might be something wrong with his knee as it crunches a bit when he walks. We brought him in this morning and the vet called a few hours later with their prognosis: his knees were OK, but his hips were the worst they had ever seen. He had arthritis and possibly a genetic disorder in both his hips, causing the hips joints to basically disintegrate. He hasn't really shown any sign of it as cats are quite adept at hiding pain and illness until it is too late and they are in absolute agony. Although we could put him on medication, with the possibility of having surgery to remove his hip joints, there would always be problems, even to the extent of destroying his kidneys. In the end, there was really only decision to make.
At 3:40PM today, Gandalf went to Kitty Heaven. He was a wonderful cat, full of love and purrs. Always happy to sit on a lap, sleep on my tummy, and eat any bit of fluff or bug he could find on the floor, he is survived by his canine friend, Arwen, his mom, dad, and Grand-monna and Grand-papa.
He was 13.
He will be greatly missed.
Many tears have been shed, and many more are still to come, but ultimately he is free of pain, free to chase any bird, bug and squirrel and free to visit his first canine companion, Willy. He will always get his girl, and will always be able to sleep in, on and around any and every shoe he wants. He will always have as much food as he can eat, without having to worry about someone saying he is a little on the heavy side.
Goodbye my fuzzy little buddy, my handsome little man. May you give head-butts to other friendly faces, may you impress everyone with your giant thumbs. We love you, miss you, and wish you well on this, your final journey to the litter box.
Thank you for being my bestest furry little guy. Mom will always love and remember you.
My heart is broken, but I know it was for your best happiness.
Meghann

Squishy Kitty

~My Squished Cat in a Red Box Needs Prayers~

In the midst of the worst flare up I have ever had, complete with the worst pain I have ever endured, I noticed that on my cat's sore hip there is a little spot on his leg that he has chewed his fur off. A few days later I noticed that he had chewed a small sore in the same spot, so he is off to the vet on Saturday. He needs all your prayers, as I think he is getting displaysia in his hips. He already needs dental surgery (we are trying to come up with the money somehow), but the displaysia is sort of a deal-breaker. I had a dog with displaysia as a kid, and it doesn't matter what you do - drugs, surgery, anything - it doesn't fix the problem, only prolongs their pain and suffering. Even though he is pretty healthy now (he is 13, so no one is perfect at that age), I don't want to fill him full of drugs that are going to have side effects and make him dopey, or the other extreme - hide the pain so that he damages his joints without realizing it. We need lots of prayers that whatever is going on is fixable (and that we can afford to fix it!!) or I am afraid I will have to make the most difficult decision of his (and my) life. I love my little fuzzy buddy, and he is my best furry friend. I want him to be happy, healthy and safe, and I can't in good conscience keep him doped up on meds when I know that he shouldn't be. If need be, I will make the decision to let him go to 'kitty heaven'. We need prayers - for him and me!
Until then, I am taking lots of pictures and giving him lots of chin scratches :)
God bless,
Meghann

Too Good to Last, But the Ride Was Fun

~A New Bracelet For Sale on My Etsy Store~

Well, I woke up this morning and what did I notice? The last few days of insomnia surely were a sign that I was beginning a new flare up in my Fibromyalgia. It tends to start the same way: I can't sleep, I'm even more tired than usual, I am dizzy, weak, and I get spasms in my hips, more pain in my shoulders and lower back, then it's all downhill from there.
I knew it wouldn't last. I tend to have a few really good weeks in the last hurrah of summer. Usually the end of August to mid September the weather is not too hot, not too cold, and I'm less sore, have more energy (which inevitably causes me to push myself more than I probably should), and am better able to concentrate on just about everything. Then, the weather cools, usually quickly, and I'm right back to square one.
But, I'm staying positive: at least I had a few weeks where my good days almost equalled my bad; I got out into my garden a couple of times and started pulling the long-overdue weeds and finished veggie husks from my gardens; I took my dog for some truly wonderful and inspirational walks, where we both really enjoyed the fresh air, lessened bugs, and forest is all its glory. I even got housework done on a pretty regular basis, not to mention all of the jewellery and marketing on Etsy I've been able to do.
Not bad, really. I'm focusing on the positive now, and praying a lot. I have my 20% off sale in my Etsy store until the end of the month, promoting the Etsy for Animals Charitable team, I'm still really inspired to create more jewellery (even if I'm running out of supplies and can't afford to get new ones :-s), Brennan is really, really happy in his new job, I'm still alive - hey, things can always be worse right?
I'm glad they aren't. It was too good to last, I knew that, but at least I enjoyed it!
Take care,
Meghann

More Cool Happenings

~One of the cool shots of "Black Cadillacs"

I thought I'd give a shout-out to a friend of mine who was at GenCon Indy over the last few days showing off his new game called "Black Cadillacs". It's an RPG based on war stories and I was privileged enough to be able to take the promo shots for it about a month ago. You can see more at their website at: http://www.achtung-spiel.com/ . There, you can find out more about the game, purchase the text and more! Good luck Darcy, I hope this works out really well for you, the game sounds awesome!

~ A picture of the Bride and Groom's beautiful wedding rings~

In other news, I got to take photographs with my friend Stephanie at the best wedding we've ever had the pleasure of witnessing on August 9. We had a great time with everyone; the bride was beautiful (and incredibly easy to work with), the groom was well composed and happy, and their friends and family were so happy and friendly it was like something out of a feel good movie (minus the cheese). I wish them all the best in their future lives together! Hopefully they will allow me to put a few of their pictures on my website and you can see what I mean about a great couple!

And there's more - Brennan and I are trying to spend about half an hour per day clearing out the destruction in our forest left by loggers five years ago. It is hard work, but it's amazing how big a difference just half an hour can make! In just 2 sessions we've managed to make a small trail on one side of the property leading to a massive dead brush pile (I guess we know whose house people are going to for bonfires!) and another trail is starting on the other side of the property. We are aiming to have the forest looking good by the time we get married next year in September. I really think we'll do it - as the saying goes, "Many hands make light work", and I really believe it!

Gandalf is still well, we are still praying hard that we get the money for his surgery soon. I'm still working on my Etsy store at www.littlestudiojewels.etsy.com to sell my jewellery and art there. More is going up tomorrow so check it out!

That's all for now, I'm off to bed for some much deserved rest!

Meghann

Stress Rains Down - and More Rain Rains Down

~My Wonderful Cat, Now in Need of Dental Surgery~

I've had a bad week. A really, really bad week. I'm sore, exhausted at nothing, and broke. Broke, broke, broke. I haven't been able to work since last November. I can't afford my medications for my fibromyalgia (not that they were doing anything anyway, but I always had hope), I can't afford my physical therapy for my fibromyalgia, and now, on top of hydro bills, phone bills, and other everyday expenses, my cat went to the vet for his annual check up and apparently needs dental surgery. $1100 of dental surgery to be exact. He is 12 years old, and has been my bud since I was 13, so I will not let him suffer. The vet says I need to do it before Christmas, but the sooner the better. I want to. I really, really want to do it now so he doesn't have to go another day with bad teeth (I can't even imagine). The obvious problem is, of course, that I don't have the money to pay the hydro bills, or get my hair cut, or replace my socks with holes in them.
I need help! Please pray for me and the cat. I don't know how we'll get the money for this - my fiance anf I haven't even been able to save anything for our wedding next year.
......And it is raining AGAIN. Jeez, will someone please turn it off for more than a day?
The good news: the dog is in perfect health, and so is the cat, apart from the dental stuff. The cat isn't in obvious pain, and still eats, though now I'm moistening his food slightly so it's easier to chew. It could be worse, I suppose.
I try to stay positive, and make more jewellery in the hopes that it will sell. I have more coming, so keep checking the jewellery blog and my website for more details (the links are on the bar at right).
Take care, I'm off to overturn my patio chairs full of rainwater.
Meghann

Bad Week, But Hope Still Reigns

~Front of My House in Blooms~

It's been a hard week. I thought that Sunday was going to be a good day so I did two and a half hours of gardening, and boy did I pay for it. Sure, the weeds are gone (mostly), and I love that the flowers are finally reaching their mature sizes and bloom states - the smell is heavenly - but this has been one of the worst weeks all summer. I've been so sore, dizzy, tired and crappy-feeling that even exercise is getting to be a painful chore. I normally love to exercise, and try to get about an hour everyday, but it is getting harder and harder to do even 1/2 hour of light exercise.
That being said, I know that it will pass. I'm trying to continue to plan my wedding and stay positive. This too shall pass!
I'm off to bake my 'Make You Melt Ginger Cookies' - as predicted, they are a HUGE hit with everyone!
Stay healthy,
Meghann

Soul's Calling?

I watched the movie Juno last night. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's about a 16 year old girl who gets pregnant and decides to give the baby up for private adoption. Many things happen, but basically the woman who so desperately wants Juno's child gets it, Juno doesn't have to have an infant, and so can be a 'normal' teen again, and we are all left wondering if things actually can turn out that happily in the end. As I am only 25, it also got me thinking about my own life and if I'll ever want, I mean really want a child of my own.
My fiance and I agreed quite early on in our relationship that if we ever did want a child we would adopt - my family's history of horrendous pregnancies, combined with my food allergies and Fibromyalgia would probably combine to create the most miserable pregnancy and sick child on the planet. If it survived. So every once in a while I check myself and see if I want to take that next step and start the adoption process with my fiance (we're actually common law for 6-1/2 years, getting married more to make it official than anything).
I do have to admit that once in a while I see my friends with their children, or see strangers with their children and wonder: could I do that? Do I want to do that? The answer is yes, and also definitely not, for the following reasons:

• I don't have the finances, first off. I love making jewellery, and my website, www.littlestudio.ca does well for what it is, but not well enough to support myself, let alone another person to feed, clothe, enter in sports, etc. It is costing more and more for everything these days, and to properly care for a child is becoming astronomical (by that I don't mean a mountain of toys and cell phones before they are 6, I mean sports teams, and averagely priced clothes and shoes as soon as they outgrow them, and bicycles and museum trips, and lots of fun and educational books).
• I don't have the health (obviously), and having my mom and friends, and my fiance say they would help doesn't alleviate that thought, because at the end of the day, I would be the child's mother, and there is no substitution for that. I want to be the kind of mom that mine was - and is - by being there: Having fun, playing games, running around shouting nonsense at invisible people, baking and crafting for hours, and I can't even do that on my own now.
• I don't know that I am emotionally ready for the responsibility of another person's life. Not just the physical needs - I know I could feed, bathe and protect the child from physical harm. No, it is the emotional needs that scare me. Being responsible for instilling morals, values, and dealing with all the emotional issues that children have to deal with, protecting them from the emotional harm that this world seeks to inflict on innocents....it terrifies me. Really.
• Ok, ok, I'll admit it, I'm selfish - I like my space and quiet. Being sick means that I spend all my time fighting and fighting this disease and so little time on me - spending a few hours reading or making jewellery is like a vacation from all the pain. I need quiet and stillness and me time, and I hardly get that as it is.

So there you have it, I guess I know deep down that I'm not ready for that kind of challenge, maybe I never will be. Does that bother me? Honestly? I'm not sure. Looking at it objectively, I am glad that I know I am unable to care for a child at this point and not proceed down that road any further. But that is logic, and does that whole 'biological clock' thing listen to reason? Is my clock ticking? I dunno, but for now, and for the foreseeable future, it'll have to continue doing just that. I'm not ready and that is all there is to it!

I hope that gets your brain going!

Take care, happy thinking!

Meghann

Colds are the Pits!

I never get sick, NEVER. So when I woke up this morning with that scratchy tickle in the back of my throat, ears feeling like they were in a vise, nose tickled and stuffed, I knew I was in for it. My fiance came home from a work conference last week with a cold courtesy of his co-worker who had driven with him the whole 4 hours there and back, and had the heart to give it to me now. Oddly, I don't really get sick since becoming ill with Fibromyalgia. It must be the whole imune system in overdrive thing, because before that, I got sick allllll the time. Every cold, bronchitis, flu, everything came crashing down on me and kicked me right to my behind. Now, I may feel a little "blah" for a few days, but I don't really seem to get sick. Until now - it figures. I had an afternoon planned where a silversmith friend of mine was supposed to come over and we were going to make wire-wrapped rings and now I had to cancel. My mom is suposed to come over on Thursday to help me with things while my husband goes away for a few days to deal with a contractor's move, and now that is in jeopardy. Plus, I have a mountain of weeds to pull in the garden, my dog needs walking and my house needs cleaning.
This, I know, is where I see God telling me to slow down, relax, trust in Him. All will be well, I just have to have faith. Sit, rest, relax, everything will happen as it is meant to. Nothing will go terribly wrong if I can't dust the house twice this week, or sweep the floors every day. No one will blame me if I can't make 20 pieces of fabulous jewellery.
I am who I am, if I can't do everything, it's not the end of the world. Amen to that!
Take care, God bless, I'm off to REST! :)
Meghann

Keep on Truckin'

Well it's been months since my last post on this blog, but nothing much has changed. I had to stop working in November, and I haven't been able to return to work yet. My rheumatologist hasn't lost faith that we'll find a drug to help me with the pain and spasms and insomnia, but I am getting more doubtful as the list of medications I can't take is growing steadily.
However, I am trying to stay positive, so I am making lemonade with the lemons I've been given: I am trying to make my living creating and selling my jewellery online, in local stores, and through jewellery parties. It's getting better all the time as people see the things I create, the quality of the materials and craftsmanship, and the great prices I'm able to offer. It is a great stress reliever to be doing something instead of just sitting on my rear and waiting for the latest wave of pain, exhaustion and spasms to dissipate. Of course, there are still times quite often when I am unable to make even a piece of toast, but it just makes the time spent at my work table all the more precious.
My fiancee is so supportive, I am so blessed to have him, and he is supporting me until my jewellery is able to make enough to help with the bills. My family is also so great and understanding, and my animals are my best companions during the day when my fiancee is at work. Staying positive isn't always easy, but with great friends and family around you, it sure is better than being alone.
OH! We set a date for the wedding finally! September 12, 2009 it is, and my parents are not only paying for my dress, my mom is actually making it! We bought the fabric this past weekend and I'm so grateful, I can't even explain.
That's it for now, blog you later!
Meghann

The Fibro Diaries: December 5

Well, the last three weeks have been really difficult. My pain is getting worse everyday and my medications aren't working at all. My doctor gave me a new one to try, but a few hours after taking it, I started getting really itchy and broke out in a mild rash - no more Tramadol for me. It wasn't working anyway - only making me really sick and spacey.
I don't know where to go from here. I don't know what I can take for pain that isn't going to make me too spacey to study or work. All I want to do is sleep.
I am getting really stressed at this point. I have exams in less than two weeks, and I haven't been able to work now for two weeks. I am broke, I am hurting, I am sick, I am in need of major prayers.
I am in need of a clean house! Ok, maybe I can fix that one......
Bathroom first!
Meghann